Shytte resident Barry Hawkwind is at the centre of a diplomatic storm, claiming that Greece still owes him £5 from last summer. The metal-grinding father of three claims that Greece approached him for the loan in July of last year, and has made “no effort whatsoever” to return the money.
“It’s a disgrace,” claims Hawkwind. “They came knocking on my door in the summer and I’d just won some money on the gee-gees. But times are hard, you know. So when this bald, tanned fella comes knocking, I told him – look – I might have come into a few pounds, but it’s all going on the bills and the kids’ birthdays. So he kept pouring the ouzo, and one thing led to another – before I knew it, he’d stayed for dinner and I’d lent him a fiver.”
“In real terms, that visit probably cost me a tenner, as we gave him lamb shanks and a bottle of plonk, but I can’t really claim that back.”
Several other Shytte residents claim to have been approached by Greece, with several claiming that they were “seduced” into giving the country significant amounts of money. Betty Crocamerde, a retired spinster, claims that she gave Greece £2.50, while several of her neighbours were persuaded to part with their copper coin collections.
“To be honest,” she said, “I didn’t expect to get it back, but at the very least a phone call would be nice. They’re very persuasive. He put his foot in the door, offered me some ouzo and pinched my bottom!”
Greece’s economy is saddled with debts, and it is believed that the country made the door-to-door borrowing session after Romania called in its £15 loan, made several years ago. Romanian Chancellor Nicolaeu Doshescu said that “the Greek government must repay its loans, damnit. Not only does it owe the Romanian people £15, but they owe Cyprus a tenner, and an old man in Macedonia £20. It all adds up, you know, and we want our money back.”
Hawkwind, however, is adamant that the Greek government must pay back his money first: “Yes, I know there was no written agreement, and I know that we didn’t agree a timescale – but this is a gentleman’s agreement above all. I want my fiver back!”